Day 44 100words100days write a how-not-to, such as How not to become a bridesmaid

Well, that was fun! 418 words.

So many people I know are getting married, including one of my younger cousins (she weds next month).

I’ve been a bridesmaid just once, and I’m fine with that. But there are a couple of people I expect to ask me. However, I won’t hold it against them if they don’t.

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How not to be a bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid is not everybody’s flute of champagne. Some people are just not cut out to be part of the bridal entourage. Good for you if you know that the responsibility for the rings and bouquets and colour scheme cannot be safely entrusted to you. Not everyone has your level of maturity. Some people still think weddings are fun. These people are also the kind to think they might meet their soul mate at someone else’s knot-tying. Let us pause for a moment to swallow this strange truth-fiction.

Depending on the situation you are in, the resources you have available, and the relationships you are willing to destroy, you can choose one of these routes to not be a bridesmaid:

1. Say no when you are asked. Do it consistently, and soon people will stop asking you. Do it graciously and they will still love you and might send you a Save-the-Date. However, if you never want to see them again, and if you definitely don’t want to be invited to the do, throw a tantrum

2. Do a bad job- a very very very bad job- the first time you are guilted into joining the bridal party. For example, you could “accidentally” stub a cigarette out on the ivory/cream/eggshell gown.

3. Ensure that your job takes you out of the country at the time of the wedding, or make up a story about having to travel for work. Alternatively, if you do not live near the nuptial location, find a reason to stay where you are. Let the bride know about this as close to the wedding as you want to (your proximity to the bride is inversely proportional to how much in advance you let her know you can’t be part of the troupe)

4. Record yourself badmouthing the bride and or groom and anonymously send the recording to them, or to their family

5. Come up with reasons why each choice for the bridesmaids’ dresses is hideous. Even better, go the extra mile and make it known how incredibly lame you think the entire theme, scheme and meme are

In short, do not do the thing bridesmaids are supposed to do, i.e. support the bride. If she doesn’t think she can trust you to catch her bouquet when it falls, and to hold up her dress and retouch her make-up, and starve with her to look stunning for her big day, she definitely will not ask you to take the plunge with her.

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Day 45: Riding a bike/driving a car for the first time

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